your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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