it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
