My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
