Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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