If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
