Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
