so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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