I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
