I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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