you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
