I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your cock deserves a montage
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
