I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
