I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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