yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
someone owes me an orgasm
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
