So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize