i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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