why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
