I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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