I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
