Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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