He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
