he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
