Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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