he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
