Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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