im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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