It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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