well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
