I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
