Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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