i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize