So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
