remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
