Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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