Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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