She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We have started to decorate penises.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
