She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize