if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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