Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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