My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
