Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize