Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
