Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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