I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You ate ashes out of my bong
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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