i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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