no, he came in my armpit
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
