mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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