Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
