He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
