You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
