i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Pooping to opera.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
