Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
