When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
