I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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