i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize