i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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