THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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