I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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