So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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