my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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