We're facebook friends in real life
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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