Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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