remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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