friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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