That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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