She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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