I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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