she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
being pregnant is like rehab
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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